Olivia's eyes widened in shock as she looked at Nick's face.
"Is that why you don't want me to touch you? Does John touch you the way you want to be touched?"
"Nick...I." Olivia began.
"Don't lie, Liv. I think we're both above that, don't you?"
"Why are you talking to me like this?" Olivia asked."
"Why are you fucking John? What the hell were you thinking Olivia?" Nick yelled.
"I don't know...." she said in a small voice.
"I want to know right bloody now, Olivia. What were you doing with John?"
"We were talking." she answered.
"That's one hell of a way to talk, don't you agree luv? You won't talk to me, might as well talk to someone else and jump in their bed while you're at it, eh?" Nick hissed.
"How long, Liv? How long has this been going on?"
"Just a few days." She replied, defeated.
"So, you just decided to jump in his bed a few days ago? Is that it?"
"No.....that's not it at all." she hissed.
"Why don't you explain it to me then?" he said sarcastically as he crossed his arms and leaned casually against the counter.
"I needed someone to talk to....I felt comfortable. We didn't plan it, Nick."
"What about us, Liv.....what about Kate? She's your friend, just like John WAS my friend."
"I wasn't thinking....I'm sorry." she began.
"Obviously not!" he snapped. "Isn't it bad enough that we lost our baby? You wouldn't talk to me, or let me talk to you or touch you. Dammit, Olivia....I've been lonely too, but I didn't go jump in someone else's bed because I love you."
"I know, I know..I'm sorry...I still love you, Nick. That's one thing I'm sure of."
"Oh really? Somehow I find that hard to believe." He replied with an icy glare.
"Believe whatever you want Nick." she said in a whisper.
"What else should I think, Liv?" Nick asked,sarcasm dripping from his
voice.
"I just..."
"Just what, Liv?"
"I blamed you for it all Nick!" she sobbed.
"You made me fall in love with you...you invaded this spot I had made
for myself and was starting to be happy with.Just when I was finally ok
with being alone..you came along and changed everything."
"Liv."
"No...let me finish.Then I find out I was pregnant, something I thought
I would never be.And there you were so strong...making me feel worthless
for initially having doubts. And then...you weren't even here when I
lost our baby...after you had brought us all this way to be with you!!"
Olivia sank to the floor as sobs racked her body.
"I'm sorry for that." Nick sighed running his hands through his hair.
"None of it is really your fault. I know that." she whispered. "I also
know that I can't stay here...that I need to go back home." she said as
she stood and walked out of the kitchen.
"Liv, wait." Nick said as he caught up with her.
"No Nick. This is the first rational decision I've made in weeks......I'm going back to Chicago." Olivia said as she moved away and headed up the stairs.
Nick stood paralyzed. He willed himself to move to the sofa where he took a seat. He literally felt sick.....his whole world had crumbled around him in a matter of a couple of hours. He'd lost his best friend and the woman he loved more than anything in the world.
"How did Yas know?" he thought. "I've gotta find out." he said to himself as he grabbed his keys and walked out the door.
***********
"Nick." Yas said as she opened the door.
"Hi Yas. I'm sorry to just drop by like this." Nick said.
"No Nick, it's fine. Come in."
"Thanks Yas." Nick sighed.
"Are you ok Nick? You don't look well."
"Honestly......no." Nick answered.
"Come on Nick, sit down. Can I get you anything?"
"No thanks."
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"How long did you know Yas?"
"Know what?"
"About John and Liv?"
"I just found out this morning."
"That's why you wanted me to talk to him, isn't it?"
"Yes Nick.....It wasn't my place to tell you."
"Well, he confirmed my suspicions."
"I'm so sorry, Nick. I really am."
"Yeah, me too.....how did you know?"
"I saw Liv walking to his house after she turned me down for lunch yesterday.......have you confronted her yet?"
"Great.....fan-bloody-tastic.....I told John to leave early yesterday. I did confront Liv, I wasn't very nice about it either."
"I can understand that. There's no way to be calm about something like that."
"Yas....she says she's going back to the States."
"Why?"
"She says she can't stay here in London with me......she blames me for a lot of things, but she says none of it is really my fault."
"What could she possibly blame you for? You didn't do anything, Nick."
"She says I made her fall in love with me, right when she was comfortable being alone. She blames me for not being there when she lost our baby...."
"Nick, she doesn't blame you for those things. She's just upset."
"I know, but what if...." he started to say.
"Nick, nothing would've changed the fact that she lost the baby. Even if you would've been there, it still would've happened. You can't blame yourself and ask 'what if'."
"Dammit, I still don't get it. How could John do this to me of all people. We were best friends....like brothers."
"I honestly don't know. Have you spoken to him since this morning?"
"No and I don't intend to either. He's a right bastard and I want nothing more to do with him. He's dead in my eyes."
"I'm sorry, Nick. I wish there were something I could say or do to make this all go away."
"Thanks, Yas." Nick said as he stood.
"Let me know if you need anything or if you need someone to talk to. I'm here for you."
"I appreciate it, Yas. Thank you." Nick said as he hugged her before he walked out the door.
************
Nick arrived at his house. It was quiet as he walked through the kitchen and living room. He knew Olivia was up in the bedroom. He debated wether or not to go up and talk to her and decided against it. He went into the kitchen, got some water and sat down. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed as he tried to figure his thoughts out. Olivia's voice brought him back.
"I'm leaving in the morning." she said. "I called and got everything arranged."
"Liv...."
"Nick, don't say anything. My mind's made up. I would've gone tonight, but there aren't any flights available. I just wanted to let you know." she said as she turned and walked out.
Nick sat speechless for a few minutes, letting everything that had happened today sink in.
************
Simon returned from a football game he'd gone to. He found Yasmin to be in deep thought.
"Yas, you ok?" he asked.
"No, not really." she said as she looked up at him.
"What's wrong, luv?" he asked.
"Si, I think you need to sit down. This is going to take awhile."
"Sure, Yas. What's up?"
"Well, remember when I told you about Liv going to John's?"
"Yeah."
"Well......I asked John about it and he confirmed that he was sleeping with Liv."
"Bloody hell." Simon mumbled. "What's gonna happen if Nick finds out?"
"Si, he already knows. He had suspicious feelings about Liv and he asked me about it. I told him to speak to John. Nick confronted John earlier today and it wasn't pretty. I just wanted you to know in case Nick tries to kill John at the studio or in case things are very tense between them, which I guarantee they will be."
"Dammit." Simon barked.
"Nick also told me that Liv's decided to go back to the States. He's devistated, Si."
"I can imagine so." Simon said as he held Yasmin close.
***************
Nick awoke, still on the sofa. He's had a very hard time sleeping. He made his way to the kitchen, downed some asprin and headed back to the living room. Olivia had just reached the bottom of the stairs with her luggage in tow. Tears rolled down her cheeks when she looked at Nick. Neither uttered a word. A horn blew outside, letting Olivia know her cab was there. She opened the door to let the cabby know she needed help with her bags. The cabby took her luggage and loaded it in the boot. Liv looked Nick in the eye as the tears continued to coarse down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry." she said as she laid the keyring and keys Nick had given her in his hand.
She turned and made her way to the cab. Nick stood in the doorway and watched her cab pull away as the tears stung his eyes.

CHAPTER 50

Olivia made her way off the plane and into the terminal.She only had to search for a moment before she saw Lizzies' bright red hair. Olivia made her way over to Liz where she was met with a warm embrace. "You look like hell, kid." Lizzie said with a smile. "Thanks." Olivia mumbled trying to smile in return. "Let's get ya outta here." Lizzie said as she took Olivia by the hand and headed to get the luggage. Lizzie opened the door to her apartment and helped Olivia bring in her bags. "Thank you." Olivia said in a tired, defeated voice. "Any time..You know you are like family." Lizzie said throwing an arm around Livs' shoulder. "You go get yourself some rest...there's plenty of time to talk later." "Thanks again, Lizzie." "Yeah..well...go on." Lizzie said with a laugh. Simon sat in the studio working at the mixing board when John walked through the door. "Hey Charley...um...is Nick here yet?" "No, Johnny...he isn't.And I can't say I am looking forward to when he does show up." "I guess you know." John asked sheepishly. "What were you thinking John? Jesus Christ!!" Simon bellowed "I dunno..I guess I wasn't." John said looking down to the floor and placing his hands in his back pockets. "Bloody right, you weren't! Johnny...he loves her.How could you?" Simons' voice trailed off as he saw Nick walk through the door. "Hey Nick." Simon said, trying to sound casual. "Hi Charley." Nick replied moving past both of them and into the studio itself. "Are we gonna get started anytime today?" Nick asked over the intercom "Or is John gonna fuck that too?" Nick continued coldly. "Just great, Johnny.God help us." Simon hissed as he made his way into the studio. John followed Simon into the studio. They worked in an uncomfortable silence, Simon was the only one speaking on occasion. Anytime John started to speak, he was met with an icy 'go to hell' glare from Nick. ********** Olivia awoke from her nap. She breathed a heavy sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. She was painfully aware of the bracelet on her wrist that Nick gave her as it moved. She stared at the bracelet for a moment before she burst into tears. "Liv, are you ok?" Liz asked. "No....I'm not." she sobbed. "What is it? What's wrong?" Liz asked with concern in her voice. "Everything." Olivia replied. "Liv, calm down and talk to me." Liz said as she hugged Olivia. "I've lost everything.......Nick, our baby, everything." "What?!?" Liz asked. "Lizzie, I had a miscarriage almost 2 months ago." "Oh Liv, I'm so sorry." "After I lost the baby, I just hid from everything, including Nick. I pushed him away, wouldn't talk to him, Yas...anybody. After awhile, I had to get out. I was going crazy and I was so detached from Nick. I ran into John out in town and talked to him about everything." "I'm glad you found someone you could talk to." Liz said. "You won't be." Olivia replied. "What do you mean?" Liz asked. "Jesus......I don't really know how to say this." Olivia sighed. "Say what Liv? You can tell me anything." Liz assured her. "John and I ended up sleeping together." "What? Why Liv?" "I don't know why. Maybe because we were both so lonely. It didn't last long and we weren't in love with each other. We were just there for each other, I suppose." "What about Nick?" Liz questioned. "He found out, of course. He was hurt and extremely pissed at me and John." "Did he make you leave?" "No, that was my decision. Nick never mentioned it. I know leaving was the right thing to do." "You still love him, don't you?" Liz asked. "I do." Liv whispered. ************ Simon, Nick and John were wrapping up for the day. It'd been long and tense. Simon was getting ready to leave when he heard Nick yell in the studio. "Fuck off, Nigel!" Nick yelled at John. "Nick...." John began to say. "I told you not to speak to me." Nick growled. "I was just trying to....." John began. "Here's a novel idea....why don't you TRY keeping your dick in your pants, eh Nigel?" Nick spat. "I didn't...." John tried to say. "Can we not do this here?" Simon asked. "Sorry, Si." John mumbled. "I think you'd better go, John. I'll see you tomorrow." Simon said. John turned and left the studio. Simon approached Nick. "C'mon, Nick...let's get out of here." Simon suggested. They arrived at Nick's house and made themselves comfortable in the living room. "Nick, you gonna be ok?" Simon asked. "I will be as long as that little bastard doesn't speak to me." Nick hissed. "Nick, I know John fucked up and I know you're deeply hurt, but you've gotta be in close contact with him while we're in the studio." "I know." Nick sighed. "I take it Yas filled you in." "Yeah, she did. She wanted to warn me, cos she was afraid you might try to kill John when you saw him." "Yas is a smart woman." Nick chuckled. "I'm really sorry about what happened, Nick. I hate that this happened and is going on." Simon said as he ran his hand through his hair. " I honestly don't know what John was thinking or where his head was." Simon continued. "Thanks Charley. I assume John's head was up his ass." Nick quipped. "Yas told me that Liv went back to the States." "Ummm-hmmm. She decided she should go back for some reason. She said she couldn't stay here. I don't really know what drove her to leave." Nick replied. "Have you spoken to her since she left?" Simon asked. "No. She wouldn't talk to me before when she was here, why in the hell would she start now?" Nick asked. "I dunno.....I just figured she would've called." "I doubt that'll happen. I wasn't exactly nice when I confronted her." Nick replied. "Ah, she heard the special Nick Rhodes sarcasm, didn't she?" Simon asked. "Something like that." Nick replied dryly. "You still have feelings for her, don't you?" Simon questioned. "Of course I do. I was very deeply in love with her....I can't just make those feelings go away. I still love her." "Is there anything I can do?" Simon asked. "Yeah, keep Nigel away from me and I'll be fine." Nick replied. "It's never a good thing when you call him Nigel." Simon sighed. "Yeah, well.....it's never a good thing for your best friend to sleep with the love of your life, is it?" Nick asked. "No, it's not." Simon replied. "Hey, why don't we get out of here for awhile?" Simon asked. "That actually sounds like a good idea, possibly the best one you've had, LeBon." Nick laughed. "Ha,ha....very funny, Rhodes. Let me call Yas and we'll be off. "Sure, go ahead." "'Ello?" Yas asked. "Allo, luv." "Simon, are you ok? How did it go today?" "I'm fine, luv. I'm at Nick's. It was a bit of a rough day though. I'm gonna get him out of here for awhile." "That's a good idea. Nick probably needs to get out of the house for awhile." Yas replied. "Yeah, he does. I'll be home after I bring him back." "Have a good time." "Thanks, luv. See you soon." Simon said as he hung up. "Are we ready?" Simon asked. "Let's go." Nick said as they headed out the door. *************** "Hi this is Nick. I'm not available at the moment. Please leave a message." The anwering machine said before it beeped. Olivia hung up without speaking. "Did he answer?" Liz asked. "No, the machine did." Olivia replied. "I don't think it's a good idea to call him, Liz." "I just wanted you to call and let him know you were here and safe. That's all." Liz replied. "I guess he's still at the studio." Olivia sighed. "Ok....we won't worry about that now. You just get some rest, you still look like death." "Liz?" "Yeah, Liv?" "Do you hate me for what I did?" Olivia asked. "No, Liv. I don't hate you. But, I also don't understand it. Liv, I wasn't in your shoes, I don't know what you went through after you lost the baby. People do a lot of things for a lot of reasons. I know you didn't do it out of spite, because you love Nick and I don't think you'd hurt him intentionally. I'm not trying to understand what happened, Liv. Just know I'm not judging you.....you're my friend and I love you." "Thanks, Liz. That means a lot to me." "Get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.." Liz said as she closed the door behind her. continued next page